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Girls Allowed? It’s Encouraged
I’ve recently learned the hard way that you should never
discuss politics and religion. My lodger and I became embroiled
in a furious row over the conflict in Iraq. Dave was very
vocal in his condemnation of Bush; but he flew off the handle
when I criticised Brown. It almost came to blows.
The day after our acrimonious political altercation, we fell
out over his attempt to convert the wife into devout Christianity.
I was less than pleased when I arrived home from work early
to hear a chant of “Oh God” emanating from the spare
bedroom.
As a result of our constant bickering, I had to ask Dave
to move out. He didn’t react well to my decision; he
tried to smash my back door in. The wife was extremely disappointed
with the unpleasant outcome, as she’d literally bent
over backwards to make him feel welcome.
Roy Keane and Alex Ferguson can empathise with my predicament.
Sir Alex had to offload the busy Irishman after he criticised
a number of team-mates. I can understand why Fergie was so
upset; only a mug would buy Kieran Richardson after Keane’s
vitriolic volley.
The return of United’s prodigal son has added real spice
to Sunderland’s trip to Old Trafford. A case can be made
for backing the Mackems at 18/1, but it has more holes than
Amy Winehouse. I have to side with Manchester United at 1/4.
Robbie Savage has his critics, but I’d happily place
the Welshman alongside Keane, Vieira and Makelele; if I was
creating an ‘odd one out’ question. The 5/4 for
a Blackburn win over Manchester City stands out like a sore
thumb.
When I heard that Kieron Dyer had broken his leg in two places,
my immediate thoughts were ‘Lee Bowyer’s house’
and ‘Craig Bellamy’s golf club’. West Ham are
a different side to the team that were on the end of a 6-0
shoeing at Reading last season, the Hammers can take revenge
at 23/10.
Cheryl Cole surprisingly turned down a £150,000 Bentley
from her wealthy husband, because she felt ‘she didn’t
earn it’. The solution is pretty obvious. I’m going
down the bookies to take 13/5 for a draw between Aston Villa
and Chelsea.
I’d love to see Sammy Lee succeed at Bolton, but the
only way he’ll still be employed at Christmas is if he
finds six pals. An Everton win at the Reebok is available
at 2/1; that’s plenty big enough.
How on earth were Fulham not awarded a penalty against Aston
Villa last week? Craig Gardner’s handling in the area
was so impressive; Petr Cech and John Terry both rang to congratulate
him. Lawrie Sanchez is probably the unluckiest manager in
the league at the minute, Spurs can take advantage at 11/8.
Pompey are set to release David Nugent a mere month after
splashing out £6m on him. Such an eventuality would
have been a 999/1 shot on the exchanges, but it wouldn’t
have lasted long. The 8/15 for Arsenal beating Pompey is equally
as attractive.
Liverpool v Derby may well prove to be the greatest mismatch
since Kate Moss paired off with Pete Doherty. The master songsmith
could have done a lot better. You won’t find a bigger
banker than Liverpool at 2/9.
I was disappointed to see Mido react to inflammatory chants
last weekend. A professional footballer is paid handsomely
to ignore provocation from the crowd, and Mido makes good
bread. All of our finances will receive a boost if we take
the 11/10 for a Middlesbrough win over Birmingham.
The FA’s decision to launch an enquiry into the Newcastle
supporters’ behaviour is typically over the top. If you
ask me, it’s being blown out of all proportion. I’ll
happily make a fuss over the 3/4 for a Newcastle win over
Wigan.
Mido labelled the offending supporters as ‘drunks’
after the match, which I found quite offensive. I partake
in the occasional swift few beers myself, but I’m not
a drunk; I’m a connoisseur of the liquid bint-thinner.
A 14/1 weekend accer of Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Man Utd,
Arsenal and Blackburn will pay for enough lager to drop the
wife down a few sizes.
Weekend Betting:
Bolton v Everton Saturday 1st September 15:00
Bolton 6/4
Draw 9/4
Everton 2/1
Get on: Everton
Match Special:
Andy Johnson to score the only goal of the game 33/1
Fulham v Tottenham Saturday 1st September 15:00
Fulham 12/5
Draw 23/10
Tottenham 11/8
Get on: Tottenham
Match Special:
Berbatov to score at any time 2/1
Liverpool v Derby Saturday 1st September 15:00
Liverpool 2/9
Draw 5/1
Derby 18/1
Get on: Liverpool
Match Special:
Torres to score two or more goals 4/1
Middlesbrough v Birmingham Saturday 1st September 15:00
Middlesbrough 11/10
Draw 12/5
Birmingham 3/1
Get on: Middlesbrough
Match Special:
Middlesbrough to win and keep a clean sheet 13/5
Newcastle v Wigan Saturday 1st September 15:00
Newcastle 3/4
Draw 5/2
Wigan 4/1
Get on: Newcastle
Match Special:
Newcastle to score three or more goals 3/1
Reading v West Ham Saturday 1st September 15:00
Reading 23/20
Draw 9/4
West Ham 23/10
Get on: West Ham
Match Special:
Bellamy to score from outside the penalty area 8/1
Man Utd v Sunderland Saturday 1st September 17:15 Live on
Setanta
Man Utd 1/4
Draw 5/1
Sunderland 18/1
Get on: Man Utd
Match Special:
Tevez and Nani both to score 7/1
Arsenal v Portsmouth Sunday 2nd September 13:30 Live on Sky
Arsenal 8/15
Draw 3/1
Portsmouth 13/2
Get on: Arsenal
Match Special:
Arsenal to score four or more goals 5/1
Blackburn v Man City Sunday 2nd September 15:00
Blackburn 5/4
Draw 9/4
Man City 12/5
Get on: Blackburn
Match Special:
Santa Cruz to score the first goal 13/2
Aston Villa v Chelsea Sunday 2nd September 16:00 Live on
Sky
Aston Villa 5/1
Draw 13/5
Chelsea 8/11
Get on: Draw
Match Special:
Reo-Coker to score in a 1-1 draw 50/1
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