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Bow Down To Happy Gilmore
I’m all for good-natured banter at a football match,
but supporters are beginning to overstep the line. Harry Redknapp
commands respect from all the major players in the game, such
as Frank Lampard and Jamie Redknapp, yet the colourful manager
endured a torrent of vitriolic abuse when Portsmouth travelled
to Aston Villa.
As the match slipped away from the Villans, the Holte End
outrageously suggested that Harry had bunged the referee.
That accusation is entirely without foundation: Harry prefers
goods inwards to despatch.
The Villa fans went on to intimate that Harry enjoys the
occasional stroke of the pink puppy. I wouldn’t criticise
Redknapp even if this was true, as it’s an understandable
reaction after Jamie.
A minority of supporters then disgracefully claimed that
Harry would soon be behind bars, partaking in certain activities
in the shower area. Not only does this slur completely contradict
their earlier insinuation; it’s also downright offensive,
and Harry will not be taking this lying down. We’ll all
have red cheeks if we miss the 5/2 for a Tottenham win over
Pompey.
The travelling Villa supporters will hopefully show a little
more restraint when around Roy Keane, as his preferred method
of conflict resolution does not involve complaining to selected
media outlets. I’m spreading the word that 9/4 for a
draw between Sunderland and the Villa looks pretty tasty.
When it comes to speaking to the BBC, Sam Allardyce is also
a total blanker. The Beeb fought back on last week’s
Match of the Day; they comically photoshopped a ridiculous
woolly hat on his oversized head. I can’t wait to get
my hands on the mammoth 6/4 for a Fulham win over Newcastle.
Team news is probably the single most important factor in
betting, after recent form or a nod from Kieren Fallon, so
I’ll wait for updates on Hleb, Flamini and Fabregas before
taking an interest in the Arsenal v Chelsea match. Four of
the last six Premier League meetings between the two giants
have finished all square, so I’ll tentatively look towards
the 9/4 for a draw at this early stage.
Birmingham City will definitely have to strengthen their
squad in January, and with Alex McLeish at the helm, I expect
there to be a strong Scottish connection. Two names that immediately
spring to mind are Miller and Becks. There is a player nicknamed
‘Woodpecker’ who McLeish would love to sign, but
he’s tied up at Chelsea. I’m definitely attached
to the 5/4 for a Birmingham win over Reading.
Middlesbrough are a riddle, wrapped up in an enigma, shrouded
in mystery, situated in a hole. I’m praying the Boro
will produce their A-game against the outclassed Derby at
a larger than expected 7/5.
Lee Bowyer is on the verge of a return to action after recovering
from Gilmore’s groin. It was a genuine surprise to me;
I thought he just had a tear of the adductor muscles. People
should be falling over themselves to get on 15/8 for an Everton
win over West Ham.
Dressing-room dissent is on the rise at Wigan. One senior
player is already on Steve Bruce’s back, and that’s
not a position I would like to see anyone in. The player,
who wishes to remain anonymous, has suggested that Bruce is
a long-ball merchant. Paul Scharner continued, “If we
don't change to playing football, then it will be very difficult.”
The only thing attractive at the JJB this weekend is the 11/8
for a Blackburn win.
I watched in horror last weekend as Stephen Ireland committed
what can only be described as a heinous crime: he appeared
to be wearing a wig. Call me old fashioned, but toupees are
only acceptable for the bald and the ginger.
Let’s be honest, if Ireland is using a piece, and it
remains conjecture at this stage, it doesn’t make him
any less of a man. Only wearing a pink jumper on a night out
will result in any long-term loss of man-points. Bolton have
won their last three at Manchester City, winning them all
‘to nil’. I refuse to cover up my interest in Megson’s
men at 4/1.
Life is full of little coincidences. As Steven Gerrard was
throwing himself to the ground in Marseille, his wife was
getting turned over at home. There was also a burglary. I’m
helping myself to the 13/8 for a Liverpool win over Manchester
United.
I hope Stevie can recover from the trauma, as I need the
influential Scouser to win the ‘battle of the inner-ear
infections’ against Ronaldo to land the weekend accer.
Birmingham, Middlesbrough, Tottenham and Liverpool are the
selections, the payout is an increasingly plummeting 45/1.
Weekend Betting:
Birmingham v Reading Saturday 15th December 15:00
Birmingham 5/4
Draw 9/4
Reading 12/5
Get on: Birmingham
Match Special:
Jerome to score the only goal of the game 28/1
Derby v Middlesbrough Saturday 15th December 15:00
Derby 21/10
Draw 9/4
Middlesbrough 7/5
Get on: Middlesbrough
Match Special:
Downing to score at any time 9/2
Man City v Bolton Saturday 15th December 15:00
Man City 10/11
Draw 5/2
Bolton 4/1
Get on: Bolton
Match Special:
Bolton to win by 1 goal 6/1
Portsmouth v Tottenham Saturday 15th December 15:00
Portsmouth 6/5
Draw 9/4
Tottenham 5/2
Get on: Tottenham
Match Special:
Tottenham to score three or more goals 8/1
Sunderland v Aston Villa Saturday 15th December 15:00
Sunderland 9/4
Draw 9/4
Aston Villa 6/4
Get on: Draw
Match Special:
No goalscorer in the match 9/1
West Ham v Everton Saturday 15th December 15:00
West Ham 6/4
Draw 9/4
Everton 15/8
Get on: Everton
Match Special:
Cahill to score with a header 8/1
Wigan v Blackburn Saturday 15th December 15:00
Wigan 9/4
Draw 9/4
Blackburn 11/8
Get on: Blackburn
Match Special:
Bentley to score from outside of the penalty area 7/1
Fulham v Newcastle Saturday 15th December 17:15 Live on Setanta
Fulham 6/4
Draw 9/4
Newcastle 2/1
Get on: Fulham
Match Special:
Healy to score the last goal 7/1
Liverpool v Man Utd Sunday 16th December 13:30 Live on Sky
Liverpool 13/8
Draw 11/5
Man Utd 2/1
Get on: Liverpool
Match Special:
Torres to score two or more goals 8/1
Arsenal v Chelsea Sunday 16th December 16:00 Live on Sky
Arsenal 6/4
Draw 9/4
Chelsea 11/5
Get on: Draw
Match Special:
Gallas to score in a 1-1 draw 80/1
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