|
64 Seconds in Paris
I'm not one of those parents who wrap their children up in
cotton wool; I refuse to even pay for pyjamas. I do try my
best to keep little Goliath away from television that he may
find disturbing though, which normally involves avoiding programmes
with Noel Edmonds.
Manchester United's title winning celebrations at Eastlands
caught me completely off-guard. The sight of a topless Rio
Ferdinand should have set alarm bells ringing, but as he was
next to a bare-chested Ronaldo; all I could think of was grabbing
a can of Tango from the fridge.
Before I could reach the kitchen, the camera switched to
widescreen to show Wayne Rooney with his hands gently caressing
the bottom of his shirt. As Rooney's intentions became clear,
i lurched for the remote control in a desperate yet futile
attempt to save Goliath from the grisly spectacle.
The wee man was left traumatised by the ensuing pictures,
and he's visited the sea-life centre on many occasions. Manchester
United were in a similar state in '95 when the Hammers cost
United the title; the Red Devils will finally take revenge
at 3/5.
Jose Mourinho has rightly apologised for his over-the-top
personal attack on Ronaldo. Judging a man as a result of his
background is completely out of order; that's the kind of
thing a Frenchman would do. I'm surrendering to the 8/13 for
a Chelsea win over Everton.
Reporting a crime to the filth has a certain stigma attached
to it, like being seen in public with a Sweaty, but few would
argue with Dabo's decision to tuck up Joey Barton. Michael
Ball's stamp on Ronaldo would suggest that Barton has been
a real influence on his team-mates; I'm putting my foot down,
get on Spurs at 1/2 to see off Man City.
Charlton may have suffered the ignominy of relegation, but
like Arnold Schwarzenegger, they'll be back, probably harassing
women. I'm getting my hands on the 2/5 for a Liverpool win
over the Addicks.
I'm not one to point fingers, unless I see an overweight
ginger-haired kid with glasses, but Freddie Shepherd should
shoulder the blame for Newcastle's awful season. A draw between
the disappointing Watford and Newcastle will come as no surprise
at 12/5.
Paris Hilton has found herself looking at a prison sentence,
or to use the correct term; she's gone for a Barton. (It's
heartbreaking when your favourite movie stars let themselves
down.) That young lady needs to be scared straight; it would
take me just over a minute. I'm currently getting stuck into
the 11/10 for a Blackburn win over Reading.
Cesc Fabregas is a quality footballer, but I suspect that
he may also lead a secret life as a superhero. Fabman's noble
quest is to mildly annoy tubby midfielders. An Arsenal win
over Pompey is the call at an absolutely fabulous 6/4.
I have to take my hat off to Neil Warnock. The Sheffield
United manager has only found himself in one touchline ruck
this season; that's a remarkable show of restraint from the
combustible northerner. Sheffield United can put the nail
in Wigan's Premiership coffin at a placid 13/10.
Sammy Lee has always been a winner. The Bolton manager once
played a starring role in Liverpool's FA youth cup winning
team; but he was 37 at the time. The wife is also a little
person, but it doesn't hold her back; I just put a chair by
the sink. There's nothing small about the 3/1 for an Aston
Villa win over Bolton.
I'll try anything once, except enter a pie-eating contest
with Mark Viduka. I must have a go on Middlesbrough at 10/11
against Fulham.
Paris Hilton and I have a lot in common, we're both reluctant
to do a little bird. Aston Villa, Chelsea, Man Utd and Middlesbrough
form a weekend accer that I am genuinely excited about; the
payout is a salacious 18/1.
Weekend Betting:
Blackburn v Reading Sunday 13th May 15:00
Blackburn 11/10
Draw 12/5
Reading 13/5
Get on: Blackburn
Match Special:
McCarthy to score two or more goals 13/2
Bolton v Aston Villa Sunday 13th May 15:00
Bolton 10/11
Draw 13/5
Aston Villa 3/1
Get on: Aston Villa
Match Special:
Carew to score the only goal of the game 55/1
Chelsea v Everton Sunday 13th May 15:00
Chelsea 8/13
Draw 14/5
Everton 6/1
Get on: Chelsea
Match Special:
John Terry to score with a header 9/1
Liverpool v Charlton Sunday 13th May 15:00
Liverpool 2/5
Draw 7/2
Charlton 8/1
Get on: Liverpool
Match Special:
Liverpool to keep a clean sheet 10/11
Man Utd v West Ham Sunday 13th May 15:00 Live on Sky
Man Utd 3/5
Draw 11/4
West Ham 5/1
Get on: Man Utd
Match Special:
Rooney to score from outside the penalty area 5/1
Middlesbrough v Fulham Sunday 13th May 15:00
Middlesbrough 10/11
Draw 12/5
Fulham 10/3
Get on: Middlesbrough
Match Special:
Viduka to score the first goal 11/2
Portsmouth v Arsenal Sunday 13th May 15:00
Portsmouth 15/8
Draw 5/2
Arsenal 6/4
Get on: Arsenal
Match Special:
Fabregas to score at any time 13/2
Sheff Utd v Wigan Sunday 13th May 15:00 Live on Sky
Sheff Utd 13/10
Draw 12/5
Wigan 23/10
Get on: Sheff Utd
Match Special:
Sheff Utd to score three or more goals 5/1
Tottenham v Man City Sunday 13th May 15:00
Tottenham 1/2
Draw 16/5
Man City 6/1
Get on: Tottenham
Match Special:
Berbatov to score a hat-trick 20/1
Watford v Newcastle Sunday 13th May 15:00
Watford 9/5
Draw 12/5
Newcastle 7/4
Get on: Draw
Match Special:
No goal scorer in the match 8/1
|
