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All I want for Christmas is Ewe
I hate Christmas. Last year the wife bought me a 'Rudolf'
umbrella just so she could use the line, 'It looks line rain
dear'. My decision to kick her out of the house was perfectly
justified.
In a freakish coincidence, I saw another umbrella as a result
of her mother's gift. I can't complain too much though, it
had a street value of £35.
The Premiership's very own 'Rudolf'will soon be joining me
in the miserable corner. Fergie's title aspirations received
a Hammer blow last week; the Villa can land a knockout strike
at 9/2.
I'm taking the kids to Villa Park to see young Rooney; it's
the only way they'll get to see a fat man with a beard this
Christmas. Get your claws into Petrov at 16/1 to score the
first goal.
Apparently, the Chelsea players are spending a total of £5
on presents for each other; typical flash footballers. A win
over Wigan at 4/9 could see the champions on top of the tree
on Christmas day.
AC Milan president Silvio Berlusconi has sensationally labelled
Andriy Shevchenko a 'lap-dog'. At least the Chelsea flop is
under the thumb of a super-model; I get ordered around by
a mad Sweaty. I'm nuts about the 4/1 for a Drogba opener.
Everton have asked the FA to launch an enquiry into Jose
Mourinho¢s tirade against Andy Johnson; I expect the
FA's report to contain three words.
Like Jesus, Steve Coppell has performed absolute miracles
this season. I can see Reading getting the better of the Moyes
boys at 7/5.
I was shocked to read that Anton Ferdinand made out with
Big Brother's Aisleyne at West Ham's Christmas do. It wasn't
the fact that he was partying so soon after Alan Pardew's
dismissal that upset me; I just hate to picture unattractive
people kissing. I'm cuddling the 9/4 about a draw between
Fulham and the Hammers.
Liverpool's festive shindig looked a classy affair. Robbie
Fowler dressed up as Saddam Hussein, Dirk Kuyt donned a Superman
outfit and I'm guessing Peter Crouch came as the beanstalk.
Jermaine Pennant wanted to go as a highway robber; but was
told he needed fancy dress. You can't disguise the fact that
Liverpool will demolish Watford at 1/4.
Stevie Gerrard has been awarded the freedom of the borough
of Knowsley. One perk is that he can freely drive his sheep
down the main street; Craig Bellamy wants a piece of that
action. I want a piece of the 9/2 about Bellamy netting the
opener.
Where would we be without laughter? Watching Soccer AM. I'm
in hysterics at the 7/4 on offer for a Bolton win at Manchester
City.
Could there be more to Iain Dowie's dismissal than meets
the eye? There's a rumour going around that he was sacked
to avoid potential mistletoe related resignations at the Crimbo
lash-up. That theory remains contentious; few would argue
with the 4/5 on offer for Boro at home to the Addicks.
Arsenal v Blackburn is as close as you can get to 'Beauty
and the Beast' without staring through my front window. The
4/11 about the Gunners is simply stunning.
Robbie Savage must be backed at 7/4 to pick up a booking.
It's the only way he'll get a card this Christmas.
I'm incredibly jealous of Matt Taylor. While i¢ve been
stuck at home with a Christmas pudding, the Pompey star has
bagged a couple of real crackers. The 8/13 on offer for a
Portsmouth win over Sheffield United is so attractive; I'm
considering kicking the wife out and moving it in.
I'm embarrassed to say that if Tottenham fail to win at St
James' Park, the kids are having bread and butter for their
Christmas dinner. If Spurs come through at 7/4, I'm going
to splash out on a jar of strawberry jam.
I am so confident that the weekend accer of Arsenal, Boro,
Pompey, Reading and Chelsea will romp in at 12/1; I've already
paid for the wife's Christmas presents out of the winnings.
There's a miniskirt and a weekend break in Ipswich under the
tree.
Weekend Betting:
Fulham v West Ham Saturday 23rd December 12:45 Live on Sky
Fulham 13/10
Draw 9/4
West Ham 2/1
Get on: Draw
Match Special:
Harewood to score in a 1-1 draw 16/1
Arsenal v Blackburn Saturday 23rd December 15:00
Arsenal 4/11
Draw 7/2
Blackburn 8/1
Get on: Arsenal
Match Special:
Robin Van Persie to score direct from a free kick 7/1
Aston Villa v Man Utd Saturday 23rd December 15:00
Aston Villa 9/2
Draw 11/4
Man Utd 4/6
Get on: Aston Villa
Match Special:
Petrov to score the only goal of the game 125/1
Liverpool v Watford Saturday 23rd December 15:00
Liverpool 1/4
Draw 9/2
Watford 14/1
Get on: Liverpool
Match Special:
Bellamy to score a hat-trick 16/1
Man City v Bolton Saturday 23rd December 15:00
Man City 6/4
Draw 9/4
Bolton 7/4
Get on: Bolton
Match Special:
Diouf to score with a header 8/1
Middlesbrough v Charlton Saturday 23rd December 15:00
Middlesbrough 4/5
Draw 12/5
Charlton 7/2
Get on: Middlesbrough
Match Special:
Middlesbrough to score four or more goals 7/1
Newcastle v Tottenham Saturday 23rd December 15:00
Newcastle 6/4
Draw 9/4
Tottenham 7/4
Get on: Tottenham
Match Special:
Berbatov and Defoe both to score 8/1
Portsmouth v Sheff Utd Saturday 23rd December 15:00
Portsmouth 8/13
Draw 5/2
Sheff Utd 9/2
Get on: Portsmouth
Match Special:
Matt Taylor to score from outside the area 7/1
Reading v Everton Saturday 23rd December 15:00
Reading 7/5
Draw 9/4
Everton 2/1
Get on: Reading
Match Special:
Reading to keep a clean sheet 13/8
Wigan v Chelsea Saturday 23rd December 17:15 Live on Premiership
Plus
Wigan 7/1
Draw 3/1
Chelsea 4/9
Get on: Chelsea
Match Special:
Chelsea to win either 2-0 or 3-0 11/4
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