|
The ‘No Bell’ Peace Prize
I’m not one to blow my own horn; in fact, I only ever
whip my horn out on special occasions, such as a birthday,
a Christmas party or a comical episode of Soccer AM. However,
it’s with a genuine sense of pride that i speak of my
recent charity work; I’ve been heavily involved in raising
awareness of lesbian issues via the medium of DVD.
A lot of my good work was undone when Paul Scholes allegedly
made a homophobic remark to a referee. A spokesman for OutRage!
may have quipped, “The cheek of it; if anyone should
respect minority groups, it’s a ginger.”
I have a theory that Wayne Rooney’s poor recent form
is a result of an infatuation with the carrot-topped midfielder.
Let’s look at the evidence; Rooney’s slump began
when Scholes returned to first team action; Wayne grew a camp
ginger beard in some sort of bizarre homage to his hero, and
if conclusive proof was still needed, Scholes is a well respected
old pro; Rooney knows all about that. Should Sir Alex sell
Scholes in order to get the best out of Rooney? I’ll
let the purple-nosed one decide. Should Man U be backed at
4/7 to see off a struggling Wigan? Definitely.
Rooney is understandably frustrated by his below par performances;
I’ve got a DVD that could help him out. It was a cheap
shot for Rooney to blame the FA for his atrocious run, the
staff at ‘Fatties Anonymous’ are said to be devastated
by this unfounded allegation. Rooney’s an even money
shot with the majority of the big boys to find the net this
weekend, only the clinically insane will be on.
Glenn Hoddle labelled Didier Zokora ‘a blatant cheat’
after he dived to seal a victory against Pompey, and if anyone
knows about karma it’s the eccentric tambourine-banging
former England manager. Spurs travel to Villa Park to play
a team with a 100% home record; get on the Villa at 11/8.
Juan Pablo Angel should be backed at 13/2 to net the opener.
I can exclusively reveal that the Colombian hitman has a surprise
tactic up his sleeve; he plans to roll the ball gently towards
goal.
It’s been a horrific season for Pompey’s Pedro Mendes.
First, ‘Gentle Ben’ Thatcher introduced him to his
forearm; then he was an unwilling co-star in a Didier Zokora
production. As West Ham are the latest visitors to Fratton
Park, a change of luck is almost guaranteed for Pedro; a home
win appeals at even money.
Thierry Henry is not only a great footballer, he’s a
gentleman. I’m not sure how he persuaded his French team-mates
to lie down against Scotland, but this charitable gesture
proves the undoubted class of the man. The enigmatic genius
looks back to his sublime best, he’s even added heading
to his already impressive repertoire. Henry has been priced
up at 12/1 to score a hat-trick against Watford at the Emirates,
that’s bordering on appealing.
Van Persie’s also in fine nick, his volley against Charlton
was the most talked about strike since mad Maggie tucked up
the miners. Henry and Van Persie could potentially be the
greatest double act since Skinner and Baddiel first watched
Seinfeld and Costanza. You can’t get rich backing Arsenal
at 1/5 to see off the outgunned Watford, but who wants to
be Paul McCartney?
Joey Barton was fined £2,000 this week for showing Everton
fans his backside. The Scousers were quite rightly seething
about Joey’s full moon; if they wanted to see a hairy
bum they would have logged on to robbiesavage.com. Everton
are worth a punt at 9/5 to leave the Riverside with the win,
a 1-0 scoreline is in play at 15/2 and ‘under 2.5’
goals in the game is a gimme at 4/6. (This match has had two
goals or less on the last nine occasions.)
Fulham are the weekend nap at 11/10 at home to a moribund
Charlton. The Addicks haven’t won at the Cottage for
20 years and have lost all of their matches on the road this
season. Poor old Ian Dowie, it doesn’t look pretty.
Frank Lampard had the barefaced cheek to suggest that England
need two holding midfielders to accommodate him; presumably
one to hold the burgers and the other to hold the fries. Chelsea
boss Jose Mourinho has stated that he’ll continue to
select misfiring striker Andriy Shevchenko until he scores;
Reading definitely won’t be on the end of a thumping.
Backing Chelsea to win by either a 1-0 or a 2-0 scoreline
looks a solid route to profit at 5/2.
Rafa Benitez changes his team more often than I have hot dinners.
Actually, that’s probably an unfair comparison; Heather
Mills wins the triple jump more often than the wife ventures
into the kitchen. The constant tinkering hasn’t had a
detrimental effect on performances though, Liverpool will
see off Blackburn at 1/2.
Rovers haven’t had a man sent off for eight games now;
that’s approaching a club record. It’s no coincidence
that their disciplinary problems have eased since offloading
Craig Bellamy to Liverpool; they should be awarded the ‘No
Bell’ peace prize. Apologies. Bellamy may be a complete
nause, but he’s a decent footballer; he’s almost
nailed on at 9/2 to open the scoring against his former team-mates.
The acc of the week:
The accer this week is so conclusive, if Saddam Hussein introduced
it as evidence in his trial, he’d be immediately acquitted.
Man Utd, Arsenal, Everton, Portsmouth and Fulham are the picks;
the payout is a gargantuan 20/1.
The quote of the week:
“We urge Paul Scholes to apologise and to express his
opposition to homophobia. It might help him understand and
appreciate gay issues if he visited Manchester's Gay Centre
and Lesbian & Gay Foundation.”
Would it not be easier to just read Ashley Cole’s autobiography?
(He mentions how tough it was dealing with false accusations.)
The lay man:
Scientists believe that anything is possible; they obviously
haven’t taken into consideration Charlton’s form
away from home. Lay the Addicks at 3/1.
Weekend Betting:
Wigan v Man Utd Saturday 14th October 12:45 Live on Sky
Wigan 6/1
Draw 14/5
Man Utd 4/7
Get on: Man Utd
Match Special:
Ronaldo to score at any time 15/8
Arsenal v Watford Saturday 14th October 15:00
Arsenal 1/5
Draw 11/2
Watford 16/1
Get on: Arsenal
Match Special:
Henry and Van Persie both to score 3/1
Aston Villa v Tottenham Saturday 14th October 15:00
Aston Villa 11/8
Draw 9/4
Tottenham 5/2
Get on: Aston Villa
Match Special:
Angel to score with a header 9/2
Liverpool v Blackburn Saturday 14th October 15:00
Liverpool 1/2
Draw 3/1
Blackburn 7/1
Get on: Liverpool
Match Special:
Bellamy to score two or more goals 4/1
Man City v Sheff Utd Saturday 14th October 15:00
Man City 8/11
Draw 13/5
Sheff Utd 4/1
Get on: Draw
Match Special:
No goalscorer in the match 10/1
Middlesbrough v Everton Saturday 14th October 15:00
Middlesbrough 13/8
Draw 9/4
Everton 9/5
Get on: Everton
Match Special:
Andy Johnson to score the only goal of the game 28/1
Portsmouth v West Ham Saturday 14th October 15:00
Portsmouth Evs
Draw 9/4
West Ham 10/3
Get on: Portsmouth
Match Special:
Pedro Mendes to score from outside the area 12/1
Reading v Chelsea Saturday 14th October 17:15 Live on Premiership
Plus
Reading 13/2
Draw 10/3
Chelsea 1/2
Get on: Chelsea
Match Special:
Drogba to score the first goal 9/2
Newcastle v Bolton Sunday 15th October 16:00 Live on Sky
Newcastle 11/8
Draw 11/5
Bolton 21/10
Get on: Draw
Match Special:
Match to finish 1-1 11/2
Fulham v Charlton Monday 16th October 20:00 Live on Sky
Fulham 11/10
Draw 9/4
Charlton 13/5
Get on: Fulham
Match Special:
Fulham to score three or more goals 7/2
|
