Science is Goalden

The definition of happiness is spending time with the one you love; for me, that’s the television. Having accidentally flicked on to a science channel, I was intrigued by the following question, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?”

Armed with just Wayne Rooney, an egg, a 20 year old brunette from Manchester and a nightclub kitchen, I conducted an experiment that could easily land me a Nobel Prize.

Given only six minutes and 22 seconds in the controlled environment, Rooney completely ignored the opportunity to enjoy a nice boiled egg; instead, the game bird received his full attention.

Is Wayne Rooney a metaphor for life itself? I’ll let you be the judge. Are Man Utd a good bet to beat West Ham at 8/13? Undoubtedly. Sir Alex has neutered, sorry nurtured young Rooney along wonderfully; the big lad is available at 20/1 to score another three times.

Rio Ferdinand will play against his brother in a competitive match for the first time, there’s a 62% chance of Rio ending up with the bragging-rights; that’s almost two Ferds.

Alan Pardew suggested that Anton Ferdinand should change his hairstyle to differentiate himself from his brother. I’d like to suggest the Kevin Keegan style from the 70’s, as my Grandma used to say after senility kicked in, ‘The surly Ferd matches the perm’. You can back either brother to score at 11/2, both brothers finding the net is a 150/1 shot.

Arsenal meet Blackburn for the first time since last seasons FA Cup semi-final, where Robin Van Persie and Andy Todd’s elbow were so close, they’re now exchanging Christmas presents. Blackburn attempted to kick Arsenal off the pitch that day, another tasty encounter could be on the cards. You can back a player to be sent off at 3/1.

Thierry Henry is in a rich vein of form at Highbury, the majestic Frenchman has netted 15 goals in his last 10 games. He’s 12/1 to net a hat-trick against Blackburn, and that’s not the worst punt in the World; Portsmouth to beat Chelsea is.

Chelsea’s mini blip was over before it really began; Pompey haven’t won at home this season and Chelsea have never lost a league match outside Manchester under Mourinho. Chelsea are a great bet to hack up, it’s as easy as 1/3.

You can question the goal scoring ability of Liverpool’s Peter Crouch, but he’s undeniably a true gentleman. Even football commentators address him as Mr. Crouch; although they often use his pseudonyms, Mr. Penalty and Mr. Nother-Sitter. Liverpool have won their last three league matches, scoring 10 goals without reply. The ‘Pool are 6/4 to beat Man City; meet the weekend nap.

The West Ham v Man U match provides the inspiration for the weekend specials.

“Over Keane” – Alan Smith and Darren Fletcher both to score 20/1
“Beni, ill” – Yossi Benayoun to be booked 3/1
“Hammer House of Horror” – Rooney and Van Nistelrooy both to score 9/2
“Woody Alan” – Marlon Harewood and Alan Smith both to score 12/1
“Paul a fast one” – Scholes to score in the first half 9/1
“A vintage Sheri” – Teddy Sheringham to score two or more goals 12/1

Quote of the week:

“Pressure? Pressure is being a parent and having no money to feed your children. There is no pressure in football.”

Jose Mourinho should save that one for Alex McLeish and Alain Perrin.

Stat, you’re a liberty:

West Ham have only scored a 1st half goal in one game this season.

Stat’s not so surprising

The team who have committed the most fouls in the Premiership is…….Blackburn.

Acc of the week:

Aston Villa
Liverpool
Chelsea
Middlesbrough
Man Utd

The five-fold will pay over 20/1 when successful.

Weekend Betting:

Arsenal v Blackburn Saturday 26th November 15.00

Arsenal 1/4
Draw 7/2
Blackburn 10/1

Get on: Arsenal

Arsenal have won every match they’ve played at Highbury this season and they’ve won their last five matches against Blackburn without conceding a goal. ‘Nailed on’ springs to mind.
Match Special:
Blackburn to have a player sent off 6/1

Aston Villa v Charlton Saturday 26th November 15.00

Aston Villa 11/8
Draw 11/5
Charlton 13/8

Get on: Aston Villa

Villa’s win at the Stadium of Light could well kick-start their season, Phillips and Baros are warm; home win.
Match Special:
Phillips and Baros both to score 7/1

Man City v Liverpool Saturday 26th November 15.00

Man City 6/4
Draw 11/5
Liverpool 6/4

Get on: Liverpool

Liverpool head to Manchester full of confidence, they’ve finally found their scoring touch and they’re incredibly tight at the back. 6/4? Yes please.
Match Special:
Cisse to score the only goal of the game 33/1

Sunderland v Birmingham Saturday 26th November 15.00

Sunderland 6/4
Draw 11/5
Birmingham 6/4

Get on: Birmingham

The Mackems have conceded three or more goals in their last six matches; with a defence that leaky, even the goal-shy Blues should take advantage. Sunderland have never scored against Birmingham in the Premiership; away win.
Match Special:
Emile Heskey to score at any time 11/8

Wigan v Tottenham Saturday 26th November 15.00

Wigan 7/4
Draw 9/4
Tottenham 5/4

Get on: Wigan

Wigan should score, only Chelsea have kept a clean sheet against the Latics this season. Defoe was dropped like a hot potato last week, Spurs may draw a blank.
Match Special:
Wigan to win 1-0 7/1

Portsmouth v Chelsea Saturday 26th November 17.15 Live on Premiership Plus

Portsmouth 13/2
Draw 10/3
Chelsea 1/3

Get on: Chelsea

Chelsea have thrashed Pompey recently, winning by two or more goals in their last four meetings. Portsmouth need a miracle.
Match Special:
Chelsea to win 2-0 11/2

Everton v Newcastle Sunday 27th November 13.30 Live on Sky

Everton 6/4
Draw 11/5
Newcastle 6/4

Get on: Draw

This one should be tight. Everton have scored against Newcastle in their last 11 meetings; with Owen and Shearer back, the Geordies should also find the back of the net. 11 of Everton’s last 12 league matches have produced 2 goals or less. 1-1 it is then.
Match Special:
Match to finish 1-1 11/2

Fulham v Bolton Sunday 27th November 14.00

Fulham 6/4
Draw 11/5
Bolton 6/4

Get on: Fulham

Every tine Bolton have travelled to the Cottage in the Premiership, they’ve took a beating. Malbranque and Diop are looking sharp; home win.
Match Special:
Malbranque to score at any time 11/4


Middlesbrough v West Brom Sunday 27th November 15.00

Middlesbrough 8/11
Draw 9/4
West Brom 10/3

Get on: Middlesbrough

West Brom have only scored one league goal away from home this season. Historically, they’ve not won in Middlesbrough since 1952 and they’ve conceded 16 goals on their last six trips. A shoeing awaits.
Match Special:
Middlesbrough to win by two or more goals 7/4


West Ham v Man Utd Sunday 27th November 16.00 Live on Sky

West Ham 4/1
Draw 12/5
Man Utd 8/13

Get on: Man Utd

Man U have scored goals for fun against West Ham in recent seasons, 35 goals in 11 games. United are the top goal scorers away from home in the Premiership; away win.
Match Special:
Rooney to score two or more goals 9/2