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Slapping, Tapping and
one hand Clapping
Even a betting genius can occasionally be perplexed
by difficult questions.
If a tree fell in the middle
of a forest, and my Mrs was not there to hear it, would
it still be my fault?
If one hand clapping does not
make a sound, is there ever any noise at St Andrews?
Why is Robbie Earnshaw left on
the bench?
The Albion are fighting relegation,
yet Bryan Robson leaves his only goal threat out of
the starting eleven. Geoff Horsfield does have the ability
to hold the ball up well, but he's not a Premiership
goal scorer, he's not even a Championship goal scorer.
In fact, he would find it difficult to score in Essex
with a Lamborghini, which he probably owns due to the
fact that managers continually play him in the Premiership
ahead of quality strikers like Earnshaw.
You must back the Boro to keep
a clean sheet, an 11/10 shot at Betfred.
Milan Mandaric's desire to appoint
a British manager with Premiership experience led to
the appointment of Alain Perrin, and surprisingly, his
decision appears to be sound. The South Coast derby
is the match of the weekend, and if you're thinking
what I'm thinking, you'll get on the draw, a 9/4 shot
at Coral.
Man United's off the field distractions
continue. Rio Ferdinand and Peter Kenyon are best friends,
Gary Neville tried to decapitate a Scouser with a football
and Wayne Rooney could lose up to £10 million
in sponsorship deals after an alleged dust up with Coleen.
(Rio Ferdinand would have to work for almost three months
to earn a similar amount.)
If you believe Man U could slip
up as a result of these side issues, you can back the
Geordies with Coral at 15/2.
As Saturday is St George's Day,
the bookies have created plenty of specials. The following
25 * are all available at Super Soccer.
* = In betting circles, 25 =
a pony **
** = In footballing circles,
a pony = Emile Heskey
"St George's Day" -
Boateng to score two or more goals 40/1
"Booking 'em Palace" - Crystal Palace to have
four or more players booked 11/2
"Fish and Chips" - Mark Fish and Mikel Arteta
both to score 80/1
"Doug Lee Zeeuw" - Freedman, Hendrie and De
Zeeuw all to score 200/1
"Sutton Cole Field" - Chris Sutton, Andy Cole
and Geoff Horsfield all to score 66/1
"Emile Lamp Stead" - Heskey, Lampard and Stead
all to score 25/1
"Al Ton Towers" - Shearer, Rooney and Crouch
all to score 18/1
"Silva Stone" - Gilberto and Steve Stone both
to score 40/1
"Stan Stead" - Lazaridis and Stead both to
score 20/1
"War Rick Hassle" - Stephen Warnock or Michael
Carrick to be sent off 33/1
"Yorkshire Pudding" - Alan Smith to be sent
off 20/1
"Big Ben" - Tal Ben Haim to score with a header
33/1
"Lankyshire" - Crouch to score with a header
5/1
"The Fab Four" - Fabregas to score in a 4-0
Arsenal win 80/1
"Ascot" - Duncan Ferguson to score the last
goal 6/1
"Born Mouth" - Rooney to be booked for dissent
10/1
"The Rolling Stones" - Rooney to be booked
for diving 33/1
"Eton" - Rooney to score two or more goals
7/2
"The Oval" - Rooney to score a hat-trick 16/1
"Bath" - Robbie Savage to be sent off 40/1
"Canary fourth" - Norwich and Everton both
to win 3/1
"Canter Bury" - Bury to score three or more
goals 9/2
"Royle Mint" - Ipswich to score three or more
goals 9/2
"Greater Manchester" - City to score more
goals than United 10/3
"Angel of the Nought" - Juan Pablo Angel not
to score 1/2
Quote of the week:
"Rio deserves a deal worthy
of 'the best defender in the World'.
Why would Rio's agent mention Paolo Maldini?
Imaginary conversation of the
week 1:
David O'Leary - "I fancy
Berger."
Wayne Rooney - "Get me five."
David O'Leary - "To replace Hitz."
Coleen McLoughlin - "Thanks Dave."
Imaginary conversation of the
week 2:
'Sugary' Rob McCaffrey - "Welcome
back after your ban."
Lee Bowyer - "I'm glad to be back."
'Sugary' Rob McCaffrey - "Will you be starting
against Man U."
Lee Bowyer - "It depends if the **** passes or
not."
Special bet of the week:
"Harry's Son's Scored"
- Jamie Redknapp to score at anytime 11/2 @ Super Soccer
X Files moment of the week:
I'm not God and I don't believe
in magic, but if you're afraid of the Supernatural you
should look away now. After making "Harry's Son's
Scored" the special of the week, I discovered the
following. The letters that make up 'Pompey v Saints'
can be rearranged to create, 'My son's a VIP pet'. Is
this conclusive proof that there are forces beyond mortal
comprehension in play, or merely a rather dull coincidence?
I'll let you be the judge.
Nice Punt:
Norwich: the Canaries have seen
off Newcastle and Man Utd recently; an out of form Charlton
will be easy pickings. Get on at 11/8 with Ladbrokes.
Acc's murderer:
Everton
Middlesbrough
Norwich
Portsmouth to draw
Man Utd
The five fold pays over 30/1
with Ladbrokes
Weekend Betting:
Everton v Birmingham Saturday
23rd April 12.30
Everton 4/6 BET 365
Draw 13/5 Sportingbet
Birmingham 9/2 Skybet
Get on: Everton
The year 1957 saw the death of
Humphrey Bogart and the last Birmingham victory at Goodison.
There's more chance of Bogey coming back to life than
there is of Everton losing this one.
Match Special:
"Jailhouse Rock" - Pennant to score two or
more goals 33/1 @ Super Soccer
Chelsea v Fulham Saturday 23rd
April 12.45 Live on Sky
Chelsea 2/7 Paddy Power
Draw 5/1 VC Bet
Fulham 12/1 BET 365
Get on: Chelsea
Fulham haven't won at Chelsea
since 1979, the year Michael Jackson released 'Off the
Wall'. Expect Chelsea to win a thriller.
Match Special:
Chelsea to win 4-2 66/1 @ Totesport
Aston Villa v Bolton Saturday
23rd April 15.00
Aston Villa 11/8 Boylesports
Draw 12/5 Super Soccer
Bolton 2/1 BET 365
Get on: Draw
Bolton recorded their last victory
at Villa Park in 1998, the same year that David Beckham
was sent off against Argentina. Like Becks; Bolton have
had their fair share of knockers, and neither are going
to Loos.
Match Special:
Half time Bolton, Full time Draw 16/1 @ BET 365
Blackburn v Man City Saturday
23rd April 15.00
Blackburn 13/10 BET 365
Draw 23/10 Sportingbet
Man City 11/5 Stan James
Get on: Draw
The last two matches between
City and Blackburn have ended 1-1. The Rovers' kicking
machine will generate another point.
Match Special:
Man City to score a penalty 15/2 @ Betfred
Crystal Palace v Liverpool Saturday
23rd April 15.00
Crystal Palace 11/4 BET 365
Draw 13/5 Super Soccer
Liverpool Evs Coral
Get on: Draw
Palace scored twice at Anfield
earlier in the season, but a last minute Baros winner
earned the 'Pool all three points. The Eagles will gain
a modicum of revenge in a score draw.
Match Special:
Hyypia to score at anytime 17/2 @ Coral
Middlesbrough v West Brom Saturday
23rd April 15.00
Middlesbrough Evs Ladbrokes
Draw 5/2 Totesport
West Brom 10/3 Skybet
Get on: Middlesbrough
The last time Albion won away
at Boro, Winston Churchill was Prime Minister. The Tories
and the Baggies have something else in common; they're
both going down in May.
Match Special:
Middlesbrough to keep a clean sheet 11/10 @ Betfred
Norwich v Charlton Saturday 23rd April 15.00
Norwich 11/8 Ladbrokes
Draw 12/5 Super Soccer
Charlton 2/1 BET 365
Get on: Norwich
Norwich were mullered 4-0 earlier
in the season by Charlton; they need to win this one,
and will.
Match Special:
Norwich to score in both halves 11/4 @ Betfred
Portsmouth v Southampton Sunday
24th April 12.00 Live on PPV
Portsmouth 5/4 Super Soccer
Draw 9/4 Coral
Southampton 11/5 Stan James
Get on: Draw
The South-Coast rivals have already
met twice this season, with the Saints winning both
matches 2-1. Harry's would love all three points again,
but will have to settle for one.
Match Special:
Jamie Redknapp to score at any time 11/2 @ Super Soccer
Man Utd v Newcastle Sunday 24th
April 16.05 Live on Sky
Man Utd 4/11 BET 365
Draw 7/2 Ladbrokes
Newcastle 15/2 Coral
Get on: Man Utd
Roy Keane was four months old
the last time Newcastle won at Old Trafford, apparently
he crawled to the telly to mouth off at the ref. Home
win.
Match Special:
Roy Keane to score the first goal 25/1 @ Skybet
Arsenal v Tottenham Monday 25th
April 20.00 Live on Sky
Arsenal 8/15 Super Soccer
Draw 11/4 Sportingbet
Tottenham 6/1 BET 365
Get on: Arsenal
Arsenal memorably won a 5-4 thriller
at White Hart Lane this season; i think I tipped up
the correct score.
Match Special:
Arsenal to score four or more goals 6/1 @ Super Soccer
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