| Rooney, the Student
and Muff
As much as I love the World Cup, I
can’t for the life of me work out why a pointless qualifier
against Northern Ireland should take precedent over the Premiership.
Being a visionary, i have a solution to the problem. Qualifying
groups for future International competitions should involve
the dead-wood playing amongst themselves. The likes of Andorra,
Armenia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, San Marino and Scotland should
play each other in a series of matches, while the superior
teams, England, France, Italy etc, receive a bye. Once the
chaff has been eliminated, the seeds will play the qualifiers
in a one off match on a neutral venue. The benefits of this
scheme would lead to an extra five Premiership weekends, allowing
the English top flight to have a winter break, which consequently
leads to football odds compilers reaching a respectable bevvying
level over the Christmas period.
I await a reply from Sepp.
Now call me a modern-day philosophising
genius if you must, but in order to truly appreciate the few
lagers at Christmas with the lads, having a few games of pool,
listening to the Libertines at the appropriate volume and
hitting the obligatory ruby house after; you occasionally
have to endure an evening in with the Mrs., drinking tea,
watching a programme called Buffy the Vampire Slayer, with
children running around the room screaming, and the closest
you get to a curry is the “Tikka f****** jump” the
other half suggests when you enquire about dinner. So let’s
not look on the England match as the boring complete waste
of 90 minutes mismatch that it clearly is, let’s be “half-full”
people and take advantage of the many betting opportunities
available, knowing that the Premiership returns in a week.
It’s sad to hear of Andy Johnson’s
withdrawal from the England squad due to injury, but bearing
in mind England’s last International, where Sven’s
tactical genius made A.J. the most ridiculous right-winger
since Robert Kilroy-Silk, you can sympathise if the Palace
man decided to pull a Giggs. England’s first choice strike
force of Owen and Rooney are fit to play though; and young
Michael is a hat-trick away from becoming England’s all-time
4th highest goal scorer, an exceptional achievement for a
25 year old. Bearing in mind he should be razor sharp due
to being well-rested by the Madrid manager, the 16/1 on offer
from Paddy Power about Owen bagging the three goals he needs
seems quite generous. If you don’t think it will be Michael’s
day, the same firm offer 20/1 about Rooney scoring three times,
which would normally set him back around £90.
If you’re tuning in to the France
v Switzerland match, the Swiss striker Andre Muff looks a
half decent bet to open the scoring. He’s as short as
10/1 with Ladbrokes,
but I’m happy to advise you to get on A. Muff at 16/1
with Totesport. My footballing contacts inform me that Wayne
Rooney has a very high opinion of him, although Matthew Upson
feels he is somewhat over-rated. My sources also claim that
he has a reputation for simulation, but before you run down
to your local bookmakers and ask the bleached blonde cashier,
“What price Muff diving?” you should be aware that
a kick in the testicles can often offend.
Cliché watch:
What they say:
“There are no easy games in International
football.”
What they mean:
“There are no easy games in International
football, with the definite exception of Scotland at home.”
Going up:
Joe Cole: The future of English football
is 11/1 with William Hill to bag the opener.
Going down:
Scotland: The latest FIFA World rankings
show Scotland are now in a tie for 88th place, a distance
behind the Footballing greats of the United Arab Emirates
and Burkina Faso. If you disagree with FIFA, you can get 20/1
about the Jocks this weekend.
Quote of the week:
“Once a blue, always a blue.”
Student Patrick Hanrahan makes his
point to Wayne Rooney in a Manchester bar, before receiving
a shoeing.
Tip of the week:
Don’t annoy Wayne Rooney in a
boozer.
Weekend Betting:
England v Northern Ireland Saturday
26th March 15.00 Live on BBC
England 1/7 Super Soccer
Draw 6/1
Northern Ireland 22/1 Boylesports
Get on: England
Northern Ireland recently went 12 matches
without scoring a goal, home win.
Match Special:
Lampard and Gerrard both to score 10/1
@ Sportingbet
Wales v Austria Saturday 26th March
15.00 Live on Sky
Wales 11/10 Stan James
Draw 9/4 Bet Direct
Austria 11/4 William Hill
Get on: Wales
The Welsh are now Savage-less, and
consequently look a better team. Earnshaw and Bellamy are
both in great goal scoring form. Another home win.
Match Special:
Bellamy to score the first goal 11/2
@ Totesport
Earnshaw to score the first goal 6/1
@ Ladbrokes
Poland v Azerbaijan Saturday 26th March
17.00 Live on Sky
Poland 1/5 Bet Direct
Draw 11/2 William Hill
Azerbaijan 16/1 Sportingbet
Get on: Poland
Azerbaijan have previously recorded
victories over Slovakia and Switzerland, but let’s face
it, they’re rubbish. Yet another home win.
Match Special:
Poland to win 1-0 8/1 @ William Hill
Israel v Rep Of Ireland Saturday 26th
March 17.50 Live on Channel 5
Israel 21/10 Bet Direct
Draw 9/4 Boylesports
Rep Of Ireland 13/10 Sportingbet
Get on: Draw
The Irish are top of the Group and
are playing quite well. The Israeli’s are no mugs though,
score draw.
Match Special:
Match to finish 1-1 11/2 @ BET 365
Italy v Scotland Saturday 26th March
19.45 Live on BBC Scotland
Italy 1/5 BET 365
Draw 5/1 Boylesports
Scotland 20/1 Super Soccer
Get on: Italy
Nothing is certain except deaths, taxes
and if you’re at home to Scotland, you spank those Sweaties.
Match Special:
Italy to win 5-0 28/1 @ Paddy Power
France v Switzerland Saturday 26th
March 20.00 Live on Eurosport
France 4/9 Ladbrokes
Draw 7/2 Super Soccer
Switzerland 9/1 Totesport
Get on: France
The Swiss haven’t qualified for
a World Cup since 1994, that trend will continue as the French
move to the top of their group.
Match Special:
A Muff to score at any time 9/2 @ Stan
James
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